


Regret

by duderank



Category: NCIS
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-24
Updated: 2011-09-24
Packaged: 2017-10-24 00:15:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/256697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/duderank/pseuds/duderank





	Regret

Alone in the darkened autopsy room that had been his home from home for many years,Doctor Donald "Ducky" Mallard slowly put on his coat and searched around for his hat.  
He made ready to leave after a night that had taxed himself, and everyone he knew, on an emotional level none had experienced since the deaths of Jenny Shepherd and Caitlin Todd.

Deep in thought, his ears failed to register the almost imperceptible swish of the automatic doors sliding open, yet his other senses did alert him to the simple fact that he was not alone.

At such times his memory would sometimes remind him of that darkest of all nights when Ari Haswari had trapped himself and Gerald in this sanctuary, but tonight his visitor was a friend, not an enemy, and a troubled one at that, he could sense that straightaway, having known Gibbs for so long a time.

"Jethro."

"Ducky."

Gibbs stood by the door, unmoving. "You heard what happened?" he asked.

"Yes." Ducky replied,sadly. "What she did was very brave."

"Heroic." Gibbs corrected him.

Although it wasn't entirely neccesary to inform Gibbs why he was alone at this time Ducky felt the need to explain anyway, seeing the relevancy.  
"I sent Jimmy home. It didn't seem right asking him to stay after we heard what happened. I rather believe he was still quite fond of her,despite everything."

"How do you know?" asked Gibbs.

"Because tonight was the first time I've ever seen him cry."

"Not surprising. They were close."

"Yes they were weren't they."

Gibbs moved forward and Ducky saw the look of anguish on his face.  
"I didn't want to do it, Duck. I didn't want to have to kill her."

Ducky tried to remember the last time he'd seen his friend this upset.  
"I know, but it was for the best. It's what she wanted. A chance to be remembered for something better than what she was made to become. You gave her that chance."

"It didn't make it any easier knowing that when I pulled the trigger."

The elderly Scot, realising his friend required further reassurance, continued. "Also, had she lived she'd be facing life imprisonment or worse, the death penalty. Lethal injection? is that really how you would have wanted her to die?"

Gibbs shook his head slowly, staring at the floor. "No."  
He then cleared his throat and stood facing Ducky, the pain in his eyes having diminished only slightly. "If she'd just come to me when it happened she'd still be alive. They'd ALL still be alive."

"She didn't want to risk her sisters' life. It cost her her own." Ducky pointed out.

"Two others at least. Vargo, Langer." Gibbs added, before turning away, making Ducky believe he was going to leave, but he had more to say.  
"Duck, I had two years , more, to get to know that girl. Whether I liked it or not she was part of my team, to begin with. I let Rule 13 get in the way. I just couldn't forget she was a Lawyer."  
He had his back to Ducky so that The older man, once again, could not see his agonized stare.  
"If I'd just got closer, cut her some slack, things might have been different."

Ducky went forward and grabbed Gibbs' arm, swinging him around so they faced each other.

"On the other hand things might have happened just the same. You don't know that she would have come to you for help if you two had been close. You can't possibly know that."

"No," Gibbs replied. "But she might have, then a brave little girl would still have her Mother, in all but name."

Ducky released his grip and asked, "How is she, Amanda?"

"She's fine. Asking where "Michy" is."

The little girl, the reason for everything, had to come first now.  
"What will you tell her?" asked Ducky.

Gibbs shrugged. "I have no idea. Not yet anyway."

"And you so good with children."

"I've just made that kid an orphan, again. How do you put into words what happened so an eight year old might understand?"

"That's a good point." Ducky sighed.

Gibbs wandered off, towards the exit, staring off into space. Replaying the events of that night, still fresh in his mind, knowing he'd never forget one second of what happened and wishing now that he'd closed her eyes.  
"I got me another ghost tonight, Duck." said Gibbs, his old, rock solid persona slowly returning. "Someone new to keep me awake at night."

"Sadly, I doubt she'll be the last." Ducky responded.

"No, I guess not."

"Love," said Ducky. "Such a powerful emotion, and when you let your heart rule your head as she did, there are always going to be consequences."

Gibbs mind flashed back twenty years to a sun baked ridge In Mexico, a target in his crosshairs, a single shot and a scream of pent up pain that had not come from the victim, but from his own lips.  
"Yeah I know, Duck. I've been there too."

THE END


End file.
